I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
