If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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