Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
