Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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