I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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