i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
