And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
