Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
