Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dear god my vagina.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
