Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
