Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
