I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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