Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
