the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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