Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
