I must be too annoying 4 u.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
