We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Is it because I queefed?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
A bitchslap is in order.
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