saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize