The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize