by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
