it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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