I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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