If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
