I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
