In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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