I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
