don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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