You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
