just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
