I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
