A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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