It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
True college students do jello shots in the library
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
