my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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