can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
