I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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