3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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