I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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