And the cops told us we were all naked.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
