Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
