it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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