My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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