so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
