sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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