I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
