christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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