I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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