Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
