the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm like, not good at living.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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