i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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