Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
