i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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