I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
