You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
