don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
