who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
