the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
