just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
