Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
