Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
