two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
