Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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