I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
