if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
