I hate all girls vehemently.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
