I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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