I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
