i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
