i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
