im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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