Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
