yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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