I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
