Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
