Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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