Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
