why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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